Why is it?

Why is it that the ballet bun goes in just fine every time except the night of the recital? It took two complete start overs to get it up and smooth.

Why is it that we never, ever forget the bag with her ballet slippers except the night of the ballet recital and don't realize it until we are at the Wildish Theater? Thank goodness Heather hadn't left yet, but then she didn't have her key and had to go over to our neighbors and have them let her in to rescue the ballet slippers. Thank goodness we had all those extra keys made.

I made it through toiletries shopping yesterday and the ballet last night. I woke up not feeling great this morning and then promptly put a rib out. Every time I cough it is horrible. But coughing is the only way to clear the trach. Horrible pain vs. suffocating... what a wonderful choice.

Kelly took Karissa to get a backup pair of glasses for camp while the camp packers descended upon the house. Lesley and Meira came, iron and portable ironing board in hand. Beth and Rebekah came, energized with Dutch Bros, from Sutherlin, and Karina came home from a party. They sorted, ironed in labels, organized, checked off and packed everything before Karissa got home. This is best because if it was up to her she would only take sun dresses and sandals. Hopefully there will not be a repeat of last year's inability to fine the clean underwear. I suspect after three weeks she would be pretty ripe.

The blood work finally came back and confirmed that she is in the early stages of puberty. They ordered another bone age x-ray of her hands. They hope to determine how much height potential she has in her, so they can estimate how long she will need the implant. The implant itself will have to wait until after camp. Hopefully there will not be any disasters. We did have the period talk, but I'm not sure if she understood it, or if she thought I was crazy. Getting her period at 9 would be bad enough. Getting it at 9 at camp would really be pretty awful.  A heads up to the camp nurse is in order, I believe.

If we had any wonder about her hormones, the flip a switch personality should have cured that. She goes from her usual happy-go-lucky self to "I hate my life" door slamming teenish screaming monster in about half a second. She is still small enough that we can pick her up and put her in her room, in the shower, etc. That is probably just as frustrating to her as the rest. She has said she likes being little. I'm not sure she will continue to like it if her classmates grow and she does not.

She is out on an adventure with Angie and Karina is at a BBQ. My viewing of Call the Midwife has come to a halt as Netflix does not have season three and you can no longer watch it on PBS. Sigh.

Kelly bought me a lap top so that I don't have to use his all the time. The desk top computer is hard on my neck, unfortunately.  I have wanted a lap top for a long time, but it seemed like a frivolous purchase when we had a perfectly good desk top computer and I could borrow his lap top, or Karina's, if I needed.  Funny what indulgences you are willing to make when you feel crappy. Cancer is a pretty ironclad excuse for most anything.

Last year when Karissa went to camp for a week, we had a romantic get away on the coast. What a difference a year makes. The closest thing we are having to a romantic get away is Kelly helping me in/out of the shower. Last year, whispering sweet nothings. This year, minimizing the fall risk. Wow.

I am loaded up with turmeric, cinnamon, Tylenol, flexeril and a heating pad. This has taken the edge off the pain. Sadly not so much that I feel able to do much, but enough that I don't want to cry every time I cough. Part of the problem is that the chemo sucks all the magnesium out of your body, so the muscle cramps in my legs make me feel as if I may collapse. I know this all sounds like so much fun you are wondering where to sign up.

The survivors page on Facebook is an interesting resource. It is fascinating how different everyone's post care is managed. Some people have regular PET scans, others never have any scans. Sadly, too many people have stories like mine where the doctor didn't believe that the cancer was back and too much precious time was wasted. Some have one occurence and then never again in decades while others have it return and return and return. I am really hoping the third time is the charm because I want to be done with this and figure out how to live with the new me. As my neck muscles ratchet down, I know physical therapy and stretching are going to have to become a big part of my routine or the pain will make everything else impossible.

I hope if you are in Eugene you are enjoying our glorious weather and eating the wonderful fresh foods all around us. If you live elsewhere, I hope you are having a beautiful time, whatever season it is.

Love,
Kiara