Over all I felt better than I did over the weekend, so I really shouldn't complain too much. I'll leave that to the experts. And apparently there are plenty of those. When we headed back to chemo, I picked a chair by what appeared to be a pleasant enough woman. Or not.
The first rough spot was when a woman came around giving everyone cupcakes. Well, no thank you I do not want a cup cake and Kelly was kind enough to pass as well. My neighbor was very happy to take one, as well she should, but not until after remarking that this would send her blood sugar into orbit. Then she spent an in ordinate amount of time with the eating of the cup cake. This was followed by her eating all the food she brought with her to eat, but complaining about how it all tasted so bad because of the chemo. Yes, my heart bleeds for you. I hope she took the hint as I was squeezing my baby food Super salmon and quinoa into the tube that perhaps there are worse things than your food not tasting great.
Because they ask you your birthday every time the change meds, you know exactly how old everyone is on your side of the room. If you had asked me, I would have put my unhappy neighbor at 60. I was pretty shocked when she turned out to be barely five years older than me. Maybe being cranky makes you look older.
I thought I was going to whip up some sympathy for her when she was telling her son how she is a charity patient of the clinic and how her car has a hard time making it for treatments. I felt the stirring. But then she launched into all the things she secretly spent money on without declaring so she would qualify. Less stirring.
Regardless, all my meds went down fine and we were on our way before one. I have to go back at 4:30 for radiation.
Kelly started the morning early with Karissa getting a new bone age xray. The blood work confirmed early puberty, so they want a new bone age to see how much growth potential she has. As it is just an x-ray of one hand, it is quick and easy. Then Karina took Karissa to riding while we were at chemo, brought her home, fed her and got her showered and then took her to get her hair cut. We only had a two day window between the last ballet recital of the season (bun required) and leaving for camp (short hair required unless we want her coming home with dread locks...)
We ate and putzed around the house and before you know it is time to go back for radiation. I am tight and swollen. I cannot get my chin up far enough in the mask. They were a little late getting started, so the magic mouth wash was already wearing off when I got on the table. The mask is incredibly tight and there is lots of re-positioning trying to get things to line up better. When I thought treatment was nearly done, they come on the loud speaker and tell me they have to stop because things aren't lining up quite right. They come in and move me around a little more, but the mask is still on. Then they go get Dr. F. and ask him if not quite dead on is going to work because my chin will not come up more. After what seems like a very long time, they come back on the loud speaker and say they are starting up again. Well, then do it.
When I finally got my mask off, the entire left side of my face looks like it has been in a waffle iron. But number ten is done. I go to room three and the nurse comes in and runs through everything the chemo nurse ran through this morning. And checks all my meds. And, and, and. She is so sweet and nice, but really, I just want this trach back in and to go home. Finally she gets Dr. F. He says things look pretty good and gives me the heads up of what it likely to come. Then he tells me he'll be gone next week and wants to know, honestly, if I want to see my previous RO, or someone else. Someone else, please. I'm not mad, or resentful, or even upset with her anymore, but I don't know if I can trust her. That is a huge thing. He understands. He also encourages me to do everything in my power to get my chin up. Well, Miracle Mia can work on that tomorrow.
Or not.
Miracle Mia has a sore throat and does not want to share it with me. Good plan, but now we need a plan B for getting the chin up. Let's try muscle relaxers. They aren't just for bed time anymore...
Interestingly, despite a long night of not much sleep, including a 4 am clogged trach, complete with suctioning, I feel pretty good today. On a whim, I decided to see if anyone on Free cycle would be interested in the girls old Little Tikes Kitchen Center. When I say old, Karina got it for her second birthday. She's 19 now. And it has lived outside since we moved to Oregon eight years ago. I was very honest, stating it needs a good hosing off and that it is old. The stickers are faded but still there. The telephone is missing.
I had five takers in five minutes. Who knew. The first person who messaged me and said they would take it today was the winner. The losers were unhappy, but that is sometimes how Free cycle goes. She and her four children gladly came and picked it up, along with a bucket of completely filthy kitchen center accouterments and even an 18 year old ride on toy. And she was thrilled to get them.
I love Free cycle. We got Karissa's bike she has been riding for almost 5 years on Free cycle and we will Free cycle it away when she is done with it. A good give always makes me want to get rid of more. And there is plenty to get rid of, when I'm up for sorting through it again.
However, now I am enjoying the open space on the patio and envisioning the potting bench that will some day be in that spot, and perhaps a cupboard for pots and potting soil. One less thing in the garage and I won't have to clog up the kitchen sink with potting soil. Win win.
After the successful pick up of the goods, I took some muscle relaxers to see if that would improve the neck. Then we headed out to run a few errands before radiation. We got mail sent off, including Molly's birthday presents. stopped by the herbalist and swapped potatoes for an aromatherapy I needed refilled (and got a beautiful crystal from the stone cipher while we were there), and then were going to make a quick stop at Shopko for just two things. In the nursery. Right.
Actually, I was well behaved, mostly because I knew we were on a tight timeline. But of course the cash register has to go down and be rebooted. That gave me time to find lots of other stuff, but I didn't succumb. Mostly because I know it will be marked even further down next week.
We scuttled off to radiation. Rick is concerned because he thinks my face looks even more swollen. Kelly thought it looked better. But the muscle relaxers must have helped at least a little because the mask is in better position than yesterday. Tight as all get out, but no stops for re-positioning today. A song and a half and I'm out of there. Number 11 is in the books.
St. John's Wort Oil on. Trach back in. Get dressed and we are on our way. I still have enough energy to even grocery shop.
It is a short trip culminating in a bad bagger. A bad bagger so frustrating. Sometimes I wonder if that nickle a bag is coming out of their pay check as they overload the bags so bad. But today's crime was worse, the indescriminate packing. Putting heavy stuff on top of crushables. Three peaches totally destroyed. A papaya with a huge gouge out of the side. A box of nut milk with the whole side caved in. Thank goodness we don't buy eggs...
That brings us down to this evening. It is very, very quiet. Karissa left bright and early for camp this morning and Karina rode up with her. Now she is at camp and Karina is out. This is what they call an empty nest, I guess. I miss her and I hope she has a wonderful time at camp. However, how do you think I was able to finally get rid of the kitchen center???;)
Tomorrow is radiation number 12. Nearly halfway done. We will continue to experiment with the muscle relaxers and see if we can get the neck to move more. That is my new hobby.
Until tomorrow, my friends, until tomorrow.
Love,
Kiara
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