Idioms and Little Bites

My parents are from the mid-west. Kelly says I use expressions he never heard before he met me. Last night on a sojourn to the bathroom I almost tipped myself over, and my first thought was, "I almost went ass over tea kettle." That is one of those expressions. Actually a few off them involve "ass." He is so stupid he can't find his ass with both hands. I'll do that as soon as the third hand shoots out of my ass. These were all new to him. Of course, he contributed, shove a broom up my ass and I'll sweep the floor while I'm at it.

There are others. The first time I used the expression they don't have the pot or the window, I also got a blank stare. It is more polite shorthand for another family favorite, "They are so poor they don't have the pot to piss in or the window to throw it out." I know, classy. Another good one, "He is so stupid he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel." All positive, feel good idioms.

What sayings do you have that often draw blank stares when you use them? I know there are others I am forgetting.

Today was an extremely relaxing day. Kelly and Karissa slept in while I stared mindlessly into Facebook for far too long. We had breakfast and read the paper. Karissa played with the neighbor children. Next door, wonderful, behind us, no so much. She is the purveyor of bad ideas, sneakiness, and whispering. What was the last thing I said? If you take paper and pens outside, make sure you clean it up. No. On the upside, that gave us access to their "list of plans" for the summer which is good as they put the previous one through the shredder so we couldn't read it (see what I mean?) Now we know what we'll have to put the kibosh on.

At one, Angie came and picked Karissa up for a sleep over with Hannah. As Hannah had her wisdom teeth out on Friday, she won't be doing anything wild. Karissa 'graciously agreed' to see Frozen again since Hannah hadn't seen it yet. Karissa was thrilled to have a sleep over and we were thrilled not to have to keep saying, "Don't do that. Stop doing that. No, that's a bad idea. Keep the door open..."

Kelly had the Saturday times crossword and I had the Sunday and they we would switch when we got stuck. Kelly had a nice nap while I played mindless computer games. No blood. No drama. Still some goop, but whatcha gonna do?

We had a lovely dinner. Grass fed rib eye, red potatoes and asparagus. It was the maiden voyage of the chew and spit. There are some kinks to work out, but I would call it a success. Veggies have to be much more al dente to control them in my mouth, but tiny little bites of meat were perfect. I could chew it and taste it. Not an extremely discerning palate, but definite grilled steak flavor. Veggies were too mushy to do much with, but I could taste the asparagus. Potato might not be worth the effort.

It worked, but I assure you it was not attractive. Having your spit bucket at the table and fishing chewed food out of your mouth isn't pretty. I wouldn't do it for a crowd. I've also been pondering pictures of food to wrap around the container of what is in there. Lots of delicious things turn a fairly hideous color when blended, which sometimes makes it hard to get down. It is better now that I can smell because I can use that as a motivator. Remember the last time you had to be motivated to eat more. Yeah, I didn't think so.

After dinner we took a nice walk. We added another length to our distance. As the swelling goes down I am able to pick my head up a bit more and it seems like everyday I see something I didn't see before. The swelling is down so much, in fact, I had to put a trach collar back on as it was slipping out. Not really something you want to lose, like, say, a wedding ring.

Now Kelly is showering and I am blogging and we may even be able to stay awake long enough to watch a movie. I am hoping to maybe get Karissa some of her camp needs and I believe we will actually be taking her to riding. It has been a long time.

One of the wonderful people in the survivors group was giving me the lowdown on Cetuximab. The rash side effects can get pretty severe, apparently. However, as terrible as it was, she said it very effectively killed her cancer. That's what we are going for.

I realized something today. I can think about the things I can no longer do, or I can focus on all the things I can still do. That second list is much longer.

My love to all of you!

Kiara

PS- Today is towel day. You should always know where your towel is;)