Mystic Monday

After feeling so good for much of Sunday, it was with great disappointment when my companion, vomiting, returned. I reveled in my good feeling too much, stayed up too late, and then paid the price.  This led to a long night of little sleep. Ugh.

Instead of waking up feeling better and getting worse as the day progresses, I woke up feeling yucky right off the bat. Sigh. This skews everything as I generally depend on getting in the bulk of my calories while I feel okay.

I spent my day on the couch. I was zonked out through Jen's visit, where she changed sheets and did lots of general cleaning. Karissa was so excited when she came home and saw Jen had changed her sheets and made her bed. Maybe even more excited than I was...

Because I was out, I didn't get to thank her for her wonderfulness. I also didn't know, until later, that she had planned with Kelly to bring a special dinner and cake for Karina's birthday Friday night. This means so much on so many levels. Nineteen is a hard birthday as it doesn't "mark" anything special, other than your last year as a teen. It is an age where a lot of people begin to see someone as "too old" to celebrate beyond cake and candles. This year, I have not been prepping for her birthday for months. More like minutes. I am so thankful to Jen for this special kindness that Karina's day not be waived off.  It's not like an ice storm is going to close Bounce or anything...

As the day wore on, I did not feel better. I don't know that I felt worse, but just general ick. I was so happy when Zachary (the acupuncturist) offered to make a house call. Yay! Because sometimes no matter how bad you look, you just want to feel better.

He was able to get my stomach to unknot for the first time in days. As I have said before, I don't know what is in those needles, but once they are in, I am OUT. He asked a lot of questions and raised some questions for the oncologist. It is so nice to have such an amazing "pit crew," as Mia has dubbed them.

While I did hurl immediately after eating, it was once and done, not on and on, and I felt much better once it was over.

Many of my issues, I think, are being caused  by the gunk sitting on top of my esophagus. I can't swallow it. I can't spit it out. I can't reach it with the suction without gagging myself, so there is sits being gross. Sometimes with the right rinse and the right angle, I can clear it and the difference is remarkable. For one thing, with it cleared, I can occlude my trach and breathe through my nose. I've got to figure out how to deal with this gunk. Good question for the doctor today.

My hair started shedding out in droves Sunday night. Well, I should say, the hair on my head. I had really kind of hoped for the hair on my legs. I'm beginning to look a little too much like a middle-aged Yeti with a bad comb-over. At one point I did have the nickname of Sasquatch. Perhaps I will again.

Today is Mia and then onto Portland for a trach check. This will be the first look he's had at it since it was put in. Hopefully he is happy with how the wound is healing. It was a pretty nasty mess under there. Thank goodness for River Bend Wound Care team and Heather's trach spray. I feel like we are making some headway.

During a quiet moment yesterday, the Universe spoke to me again, quite clearly. It said that I need to get up an move every day, even when I feel nauseous, even when I feel horrible, or I will die. That is pretty darn specific. Of course, as many messages from the Universe I've managed to screw up, I guessing it doesn't have much patience left for me at times. So I got up. I got Karissa's things together for today. I sorted some papers. I rinsed some things. I walked around the house. It was a step off the couch.

I told this to Kelly and now I've told all of you. I need to not spend six straight hours staring into a computer screen just because it takes my mind off the yuck. I need to get up and move around, go outside, help, stretch. When your other choice is "or Death?" that is a pretty heavy motivator.

Love, thanks, and blessings to all of you! News from Portland tomorrow!

Kiara