Birthday and other summaries

Yes, today is my 46th birthday. This is my first birthday:

-without my tongue
-with a feeding tube
-with a trach tube
-with an adult child
-with chemo on board
- with absolutely no desire to eat cake.

All of that being said, it is better than being my LAST birthday.  Let's go with that.

Yesterday we picked Mary up at the airport in the morning and she settled in nicely. Heather continues to do an extraordinary job of hauling Karissa all around. We owe her so much, and some of it is money, since schlepping takes gas, and even Karissa doesn't eat for free. Angie has been in the back stop position, picking up after some activities and taking Karissa to wear her out. I really don't know how long we could realistically ask anyone to keep this up.

Lesley came over to visit yesterday, too, and it was a bit surreal. At one point, these two dear friends of mine were watching (and learning) all about trach care. It was at that moment I realized that perhaps that is why I am the sick one. Although I would do anything for my friends, I would have to draw deep down in my reserves to pull this off. Fainting isn't so helpful in such situations. At any rate, it was a very nice visit and now there are two more people who know how to pull the canula.

Food was iffy yesterday. I tried for lots of small meals, but the smoothies really didn't sit well. The craving for chicken soup was overwhelming. Plain old Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup, that I'm sure I've posted a hundred terrible things about. Sometimes you just have to..

I would love to say we did something really fun and painted the town red last night, but that would be a big fat lie. I took a nap. Mary and Kelly kept the never ending loop of laundry going. We did watch the video of Karissa's ballet performance from December and The Big Bang Theory. Drugs and off to bed.

Fortunate for me, sleep has not been a problem. I sleep just fine. Maybe even a little too much at a stretch. I am very lucky to have Kelly, and now Mary, to get up and get Karissa onto the bus in the morning. That is just a bit beyond me yet. I say yet, but I have no idea when it won't be beyond me. It has been a long time. Honestly, most of this school year.

My first adventure of the morning was to Karen for some more draining. I ate before I went which wasn't a great idea, so I had to sit up for the first bit. It is hard work for her while I am there, but it is hard work for me after I leave. Who knew just getting crap out of your body was this challenging? Of course, no drive would be complete without having to hack a big piece of something out of my airway in the car. I'm guessing the market for souvenir lung chunks is pretty limited.

We made two more stops on the way home and you would think I ran a marathon. I did manage to water some house plants and walk around the house a bit. If I reach the point where I can no longer water the house plants, there is no hope for them. Kelly's two handicaps are bathroom cleaning and watering plants. Compared to the fact that he holds my airway in his hands multiple times a day, pretty minor concerns.

We left Mary at home with Karissa to be fun, as she always is, and for them to wait for Karina. Kelly and I first went to DMV. I don't know if it was my scary visage, or just plain old fashioned kindness, but the DMV clerk in Junction City was very helpful. She didn't even ask me to take the eye test. I guess she assumed that my ability to see was the least of my challenges to driving right now (which, in case you were worried, I'm not.) Unfortunately, the not needing a new picture turned out not to be the truth. Randy Travis, Nick Nolte, and everyone else out there who ever did something stupid and ended up with a hideous mug shot, you're welcome. I can promise you my license picture is worse. She did tell me that once treatments are over I can come have a new picture taken as this qualifies as "extenuating circumstances." Yah think?

We then dashed across town to retrieve Mary's purse forgotten at Karen's, and then back to Pat's to pay for lessons as we forgot to send a check yesterday. It's all in the organization and planning...

Home meant another round of fish and suction. Ugh. I am still tap dancing on the nausea line and sometimes I can't tell what is heartburn and what is irritation from all the suction. Today I drew the most horrible taste into my mouth with the suction. I'm assuming residual chemo. YUCK! Glad I don't have a strong sense of taste. My left nostril is almost clear, which means I can smell strong smells. This is a mixed blessing. Good smells, yay! Nauseating smells not so much.  And, like being pregnant, who knows what will be a nauseating smell today?

Mary and Karina put clean sheets on my bed and are washing the duvet cover (because, as Kelly always says, "What's a blanket without clothes?") I'm not sure what it means when the true apex of your birthday is clean sheets and hopefully a shower.

There are still presents to unwrap-- Karissa is chomping at the bit. They will have cake. The thought of cake holds no appeal for me. Not sure if I am co-ordinated enough to blow out candles with my trach. I'm sure Karissa will be happy to help.

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes. Thank you for all the prayers and energy going into the universe for me. Thank you for loving me. That is a pretty amazing gift.