Between Kicking in and Knocking out

I am trying to write this post in the sweet spot between when the anti-nausea meds make me feel tolerable, but before they make me unconscious. Please excuse any incoherence in this post. It could be anyone of a host of meds.

Tuesday was fairly hideous and I thought that was the worst of it. There wasn't much to tell about beyond feeling like crap most of the day. Unfortunately, I didn't learn the "take it when you can take it, not when you need it lesson," so the situation did not improve.

There are strange ironies. I haven't "craved" food very much since I got my feeding tube. Right now, the thought of pretty much all food makes me want to puke. But my dreams are full of chips and salsa and French fries and strange things. A harbinger of the future? Let's hope.

Tuesday night also had a fun incident. Kelly, living in a houseful of women, is generally very reliable about putting the seat down. I never check. I have to cut him some slack, he is exhausted. That was little comfort when I was balancing a chemo pump, a full bladder, and a tenuous stomach and experienced splash down at three am. Well, it was refreshing.

I know a lot of good things happened yesterday. I know people got good news. I know Sam cleaned our bathroom spotless. I know Jen brought dinner. I'm sure there were other things. I was sick. Sick. Sick. Just get me from one dose of whatever I can take to the next dose of whatever I can take and let me go back to sleep. No movie I ever saw did it justice.

Today I woke up feeling good. I'm not sure if my first mistake was eating or if it wasn't taking meds right away. As the day progressed, good went away. I did manage a shower. My hair is just now shedding a bit. Whatever. I was kind of hoping not to have to worry about shaving my legs for awhile. I also did pull it together long enough to walk through the Art Show at the elementary school before it opened. I can't be around all the people/germs, so I was very thankful they allowed me a sneak peak. As always the art work is amazing and some how all the displays get put up and everything gets finished on time. I am very thankful for Karissa's school. It has been a safe haven for her in this difficult time.

I have tried to distract myself as I can. Facebook. Candy Crush. Piecing the afghan. Emails. It is nice to think about something that isn't cancer once and awhile.

So thankful for all the continued help we are getting from our friends and community. Heather and Angie have given Karissa a safe escape from mom's sickness and allowed her to keep on being a kid most of the time. There is no way we could begin to thank or repay them.

Kelly's brother, Mitch, and his wife, Carmen, have arranged to have a housekeeper come in and clean on a regular basis for awhile. This should help a lot. Some things have gone so long without a cleaning that it takes the poor volunteer forever to try to clean it up. Of course there is always something to do if you would like to help. You can visit with me if I don't make you to freaked out and you are patient with my Magnadoodling, too.

Lesley came by to visit today. I miss our projects on Thursdays. I am so thankful for all the kindnesses she and her family have shown us. She is ordering name labels so that she can help us gear up for BB Camp. Beth and Rebekah, long time BB Camp veterans, have graciously agreed to come help with the packing as I will likely be pretty weak at that point. Not sparkling like I am right now.

This weekend is Easter. No, I'm not remotely prepared. Next week is Karina's birthday. Kelly did get her a gift thank goodness. Of course, a college education is a pretty darned good gift too...  Karissa wants to know when we are going to hide the Afikomen, too. Our multi-religious household get complicated sometimes. Maybe we should put the Afikomen in some of those little plastic Easter eggs...

I feel better than yesterday, which while not saying much, is saying something. I can only hope that I continue to feel better as the remainer of this week and next week progress. I am hoping Karen can work some of her drainage magic tomorrow as my big giant head is back. I know she will make me feel better.

Sorry for the rambling post, but there it is. I'm here. My stomach is rockin' and rollin'. Two treatments done. Onward.

Love,
Kiara

PS- until tomorrow depends on how I feel.