Sunday at home

It has a been a whirling, swirling, two days of emotions.  We are slowly making headway against the tide of chaos in our house, if not in our heads.

Saturday was a lot of inside my head.  Kelly took Karissa to riding lessons and ballet and the grocery store. This left me with a lot of time to think.  After my neck looked so wonderful after PT on Friday, it is back to tight and swollen.  Unfortunately, as relaxing as it was, acupuncture did not alter this state of affairs.

Michael and Lesley very generously offered to have Karissa sleep over last night.  We dropped her off at parent's night out at the synagogue with their daughter and then went to their house.  If was a fun evening of visiting and playing Trivial Pursuit. Maybe less fun for them as Kelly mopped the floor with us. The Trivial Pursuit game stops in about 1990 or sooner, so the evidence of his infatuation with television was on display. For those of you in advertising, it works. Thirty years later we still know what takes a licking and keeps on ticking, as well as other jingles we cannot dislodge from our skulls.

After the girls came home, along with Michael and Lesley's sons, who were working parent's night out, we headed home. Karissa sleeping over meant that we would not have to get up and take her Sunday School. This, we hoped, would blunt the effects of the time change, at least for us.

Still, when you don't have to put on the brave face for the children and act like everything is fine, you don't. There was plenty of clingy emotional moments.  Sleeping is still not great for me.  I have to find a way to be fairly upright, but keep my head from slumping forward.  Once it does that, I can't breathe and wake up gasping for air.  When you already have the "is the tumor closing off my airway?" question in your head, it becomes more difficult to be rational.

Nasty swelling, stinging pain in my mouth, too. Of course I jump to the worst conclusion. Fortunately Kelly is the voice of reason and looks in my mouth with the flashlight. Ah yes, my old friend yeast.  Thank you antibiotics.  Diflucan and some pao d'arco on tap, please.  Even without taste buds that stuff burns when you swish it in your mouth (the latter).  But it works, and by tonight it looks much better.

So after a weepy, mopey, clingy night, today came around with lots of plans.  Those plans probably involved me getting dressed before six o'clock at night.  Laundry did get finished, and some vacuuming, even. It seems like half a dog, at least. Karissa and I sorted through her toys and I was surprised by what she was willing to part with tonight. It is good that she was, because between her birthday, Christmas, and Hanukkah, she was quite overstocked.  Hopefully I'll get it out of the house this week, since it is my week to go to Lesley's.

This week involves lots of gearing up for what's coming. I have my mapping and mask making tomorrow. I also have acupuncture.  Also this week I have Mia x 2 (YAY!!) and PT. Karissa's second grade teacher, whom I am lucky to call a friend, is having her baby shower on Wednesday.  A new beginning!

I have some new exercises to do, courtesy of my SLP at OHSU. The Shaker Exercise. Swallowing attempts continued. Continuing to speak as I can.  Trying to get as ready for another round of radiation as I can.

The amazing food delivery by the ladies of Stand for Children continues (thank you to all of you, and to Joy! for setting it up.) Friday there were two deliveries, one for the freezer. Tonight brought another wonderful meal. They look and smell delicious. My family says they are delicious. I am not a good judge as they go right into my tube after being blended.  Karissa is so excited about eating other peoples food.  When this is all over I may have to pay someone to deliver our own food to the house just so she will eat it.

I've been reading the book on meditation and the art of healing from Moira. I have tried the first few exercises. I have picked out what I really want to focus on up until my treatments begin, and then after.  I can do this. I will do this.  People have gone through much worse and come out the other side to continue enjoying their lives.  So will I.

Best text quote of the week, "I can't wait until we are playing Settlers and cancer is just something you had." Thank you Nancy for your nuggets of encouragement everyday.  They are a blessing.

Until tomorrow...