It All Keeps Coming

The good and the bad, they keep piling up!

Yesterday we went to Portland to see Dr.A. He was concerned that what I thought was apnea might be something else. Unfortunately, he was right. The tumors on my larynx are impacting my vocal cords. The left one is completely paralyzed. The right one is moving, but abnormally.  There is encroachment into my cartilage. None of that is great news.

At this point, I am still breathing well enough and keeping my throat clear enough of secretions that I don't need a trach.  However, that could change at anytime.  If my breathing becomes difficult, I need to go to my doctor, or the ER.  I cannot picture Dr. Taube putting in a trach tube, but I'm sure she is capable. I just don't see her that way.  More annual exams and bronchitis and such.

We talked through everything, discussed what the OHSU tumor board had to say about me, and all the what happens next.  Apparently the tumor board is "more like guidelines," but the bottom line is that to have another major surgery and then have more cancer appear would be disastrous.  It isn't that there definitely won't be any more surgery, but right now the focus is on this being the final solution.  Hopefully the chemo and radiation will kill all the little buggers, wherever they are lurking. Hopefully it doesn't do too much damage to my bones/tissues/teeth.  Hopefully it doesn't make me miserably sick.

Sleeping still isn't great. We tried a new med last night and the nightmares were terrible.  I'd rather not sleep than have nightmares.  I'm really trying to focus on eating as much as I can, the best quality foods, to prep my body for what is coming.  I'm also reading the recommended book (thank you Moira) and trying to learn how to meditate and focus on healing.

Unlike five years ago, the doctors are very supportive and encouraging about massage, physical therapy and acupuncture now. Glad to hear it.  I am really hoping "team Kiara" can make a difference on how much I suffer this time.  Just having the feeding tube should make a huge difference, too.  Trying to do it without one was not my smartest move.

Just as the bad news is descending, so are kind deeds raining down.  Joy has rounded up Stand for Children folks who have been bringing meals.  Angie and Ed stepped up for last minute Karissa care yesterday, including McTeacher's night.  Wonderful Lesley came over for our Thursday and cleaned my nasty kitchen. That is a true friend.  Rita stopped by today with a basket and offered to help out with Karissa if needed, and also offered meals. Rabbi Boris called to check on us and see if the Temple could do anything else to help us out. Oriana set up a doctor's appointment for me (as the phone is not my friend.) Mary is taking Karissa this afternoon during PT and then bringing her home and offered up a dinner.  Roxanne loaned Karissa some beautiful ballet books to read. So much kindness that I am probably forgetting some.  For that I am sorry.  So many, many, many friends sending encouraging texts, emails, IMs, cards, gifts, flowers, etc.  I am surrounded by kindness!  You would think no cancer could survive this saturation of love.  I'm praying that all of this love coupled with some good poison and sticking my head in the microwave again will get it done.  I want to move on with my life.  So many things I still want to do.  So many people to thank.  So much caring to share.

On a side note, someone also sent Karissa some ballet books for her birthday. They came in two separate Amazon orders, but there was no indication anywhere who they were from.  We would really like to thank you, so if it was you, could you tell me?  Thanks!

Until tomorrow...