Coming soon...

So it is snowing. And raining. And the sun is shining. Kind of like me, all mixed up. Surgery is this Thursday. I spent a week having an endless anxiety attack, but that seems to have settled (although a quick pass through the obits in the paper can stir it up quickly). My mom is coming Wednesday and the house is almost clean enough. I've been trying to get things planted in the garden between storms without too much success. I keep having surgeries when it is time to plant. I planted garlic the day of my angiogram (not smart since I could have bled to death). I planted spring tomatoes while the staples were still in my neck. I can't imagine how I might have developed an infection and a hematoma.

Dr. M. has made it abundantly clear: no exercise of any kind for six weeks post-op. None. Not even indoor recreation. Sigh. Lifting restrictions, special bra, la ... la... la...

I can't even imagine how this will go, so I've given up trying. Odd for me. I have a pretty good imagination.

On another front, I learned something about myself playing the Wii fit. I rush. I rush everything. You think after being a musician for years I would know this about myself, but no, I did not. I'm always in a hurry, trying to cram in one more thing. Just sitting and typing this means I'm not doing seven other things that are only urgent in my mind. Why am I in such a hurry and where am I trying to get? Of course, in anxiety land, you can hardly help having the little voice tell you that your time on earth is measured and you better hurry and get stuff done. I try to trampled down that little voice whenever possible, but it is tenacious.

As if I needed a living reminder, Shasta is still with us. 14 is old for a lab mix. She often cannot get to her feet without assistance. She slips and stumbles. The pooping on the floor is now a part of our daily lives. Yet, I cannot bring myself to let her go. The finality of life and death seems too close to me at times as it is. Selfish, I know.

While we had all this old dog drama with Shasta, we forgot all about the fact that time was passing for Silas as well. Valentine's Day he was hopping on three legs. Kelly took him to the vet who basically said, "He's 11 years old. It's arthritis. Duh." He still acts like a puppy in so many ways, but now we notice the stiffness, especially when it is damp and cold. He likes to linger in his bed more than before. He'll still jump on you and nearly knock you down and I'm still not strong enough to take the Kong from him, but you can tell.

Cheery this has been thus far.

We went to a party last night at Kelly's boss' house. It was the first time in a long time we have been able to just sit around and talk and tell stories and joke and laugh like grown ups. And none of them ever heard my stories before. Fresh audience! Whoo hoo. Two glasses of wine were enough to disable the censor, but I only made on possibly too rude comment and no one seemed to laugh nervously and look away, so I think I'm okay there.

Karina and Karissa planted peas and onions before they were too cold and came in. Neither of them is overly good at marking things, so I'll have to wait until things sprout to figure out where to plant other things. Kelly turned over a lot of the cover crop-- yes, using a pitchfork and everything! We pulled some of the last few leeks for dinner and we have some fresh broccoli in the front to cut, too. I still need to get carrots, radishes, some lettuces, onions, scallions and spinach in the ground before Thursday. I'm pretty sure my potato order won't be here by then, so I may have to supervise the digging of the trenches. Oh, and there are still three blueberries to plant. Who has time for anxiety or boredom?

We went to the informational meeting at the high school. Yes, high school. Karina will be starting high school this fall. That is stranger to me than accepting I had cancer. The school offers some amazing programs. If I thought I could pass for a teenager, I'd love to go. Karina doesn't seem as thrilled as I was, but she is excited.

Oh, and she is going to run track this year. It should be interesting. She wanted to do it for two years but couldn't due to Hebrew School. She wasn't going to this year, but she finally found a friend that was interested, too. I think she will enjoy it after the first few painful practices.

Karissa made the growth chart! I should have opened with that! She is in the 1.29% for weight, but she is on. Up to the 5% for height, believe it or not. I guess I'll just have to keep carrying that Thomas lunch box with me everywhere I go and shoving food in her at every opportunity. I never knew a kid that would leave a cupcake after two bites and not even lick off the frosting. Clearly she is from outside the gene pool.

Kelly will post Thursday afternoon and let you know how it all goes. Hopefully well. I don't really care how they look, I just want the weight off my back and shoulders and to come out of surgery okay. Funny to worry about this after the last two. I've never had anything outpatient before. Talk to you later, hopefully more upbeat.

Love,
Kiara