Radiation and such

I know, I know. Nothing for over a week and then two in two days. I know.

Radiation is okay. Actually last Wednesday was quite hideous. Not the radiation, just how I felt. Dr. Gemmell said I was getting a lot of deflected 'spray' of radiation from my fillings (I guess I should have opted for porcelain at some point). Now added to my daily ensemble is a dental roll, soaked in water and cut in half, with one half wedged between my teeth and my tongue on each side. Not all that comfortable for certain. There already wasn't much room in there. On Thursday, one slipped down into my throat and I discovered my chains aren't long enough to bang on the table-- so much for the panic button. Fortunately I was almost finished. Now I check each day. My tongue doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did. However, the effects of radiation are always behind, so the feeling better I feel now could be from four days off and I'll still feel rotten come Monday. I hope not.

Because I felt so crummy on Wednesday (a long, jostling bus ride didn't help) I actually asked about pain. They gave me a Rx for the pain patch. It lasts, theoretically, for three days. However, it is narcotic and addictive, so I am not too anxious to try it. I am still in a stage where it is tolerable. I haven't even had my nightly darvocet in several days. She feels like I will need this soon. If Wednesday was a taste, I think she is right.

Speaking of taste, it is gone, gone, gone. I now have a visual for smooth talker or silky tongued-- my tongue is bald of taste buds and is completely smooth. Creepy looking, actually. I can still smell, which is almost more frustrating as it gets your hopes up. I guess it does make three instant breakfasts a day more tolerable (not being able to taste them). I did manage to swallow some toast and soggy (gross...) cereal this morning. I have to take advantage of the throat on good days.

I met some amazingly nice people on the Florence shuttle. It is a very supportive little community of five or six people who ride in for treatment each day. One woman, Mary, was so nice to me. And fascinating to talk to. It was necessary to have that when riding back on the bus on a twisty road post-Ethyol. She even came by the beach house Thursday and brought me a prayer shawl from her church. I was/am so touched by this gesture.

I also met Tony, who just finished similar radiation to mine this week. He discovered his cancer because his lymph nodes were enlarged. Despite extensive searching (two CTs and two PET scans) they cannot find the primary tumor. They removed 37 lymph nodes, his tonsils, adenoids, tissue samples from his mouth, and all of his bottom teeth. He opted to only have radiation on the left side as he didn't want all the lovely side effects I'm having, but he had a the full course of chemo, too. Oh, and he is 78. I guess Marines are tough.

Everyone was so friendly, even when my treatment took longer than expected and made everyone late back to Florence. I never felt like an outsider, or a whippersnapper, both of which I was certainly qualified to be. Cancer, the great equalizer.

I did find out a few things from Tony. They will cut eye holes in my mask if I ask. It doesn't bother me, but good to know. Also, I do get to take my mask when I'm done. I'm not sure what I'll do with it, but it will certainly be a conversation piece, hopefully for a long, long time.

I try not to be a downer in the blog, but I do have to say I can see why people choose feeding tubes. I can also see why they reach their enough point. There is a limit to the amount of pain, and even discomfort, one can stand. I'm not at that point, for sure, but I did make some off hand "Beaches" reference that scared the hell out of Kelly. If it weren't for my family and my friends, this would be impossible to endure. I would not, sadly, do this for myself. I would keep my taste buds and roll the dice against the cancer Gods. Them and you mean too much to me to take that risk.

Well, that was uplifting. Should I tell you men's underwear are perfect for the post Ethyol stomach (sore from shots) because they are soft and I can delude myself into thinking people will believe (boxer briefs) are actually shorts when worn with a large shirt? Should I tell you the weather here today is absolutely perfect (78 degrees and a light breeze)? Should I tell you I had to hack through the garden with my machete (really lopping shears) and found the first ripe tomatoes of the year? Not that they meant much to me, or would even if I could taste them-- yuck! But I did take pleasure in watching Kelly and Karissa eat them all up. They ate the few green beans that were ready, too. In another two weeks, I would say we will be up to our eyeballs in produce. We have dozens of onions cured already and we are still getting strawberries a few at a time. The watermelons are blossoming as are the cantaloupes and the pumpkins have many a pumpkin.

Taste buds are due back in six months to a year. Until then I have my nose and my memories.

Love,
Kiara

PS-- I forgot to tell you that the third time was the charm. Karissa qualified for speech therapy and will begin this week.