So it's Saturday

Here we are at late Saturday night. At least I only skipped one day.

Friday there isn't much to tell. Kelly took Karissa for her last day at the Temple day camp and then went to work. Karina had the 'privilege' of driving me to physical therapy. When she goes to Mia with me, she usually hangs out in the room and we all visit. That isn't how Karen operates. There is no place for someone else to sit. Karina was a little shocked when I shooed her out. I didn't think to tell her to bring a book or anything. Of course she had her phone. This probably part of the reason we've burned through 90% of our data allowance already...

Karen looked me over. She gave me some exercises to do. Since I haven't been doing much, things have gotten weak. Unfortunately, they haven't weakened in a balanced way. My left side needs a little extra work. No problem.

Then I sat on the edge of the table and she checked me out. In the past she has done some work with me sitting up. This time, she climbed up on the table behind me and knelt. For twenty minutes she manipulated my head/neck. I have no idea how her knees could stand it. At the end of twenty minutes, my neck had certainly had enough. She did the rest of her work with me lying down, but still the neck is the main focus. This is completely logical, but tiring. You wouldn't think it would be since she does all the work, but it is. She said to let her know how I felt afterwards in case it was a little too much.

Why yes it was.

I ached and was exhausted. I had intended to make dinner and do several other things. Nope. Couch crashed for most of the afternoon. Sore screaming muscles. I would like to just stand in a hot shower for about a week.

While I was piled on the couch, Karina was busy getting things together for the big engagement party. Washing the punch bowl, looking up punch recipes, gathering up the forks, etc. She was wondering how to get all the plates over there.  Ha ha! I knew we saved the china boxes all these years for some reason. Grab a dish box full of sleeves and start packing. Sometimes it can be easy.

By after dinner I was pretty close to miserable. I had my bedtime meds early and did go stand in the hot shower. Kelly pulled the trach for cleaning before I got in, which saves me from trying to keep the collar dry. It is amazing how much smaller the trach wound is. It is almost down to a normal trach sized hole. A big change from the cavernous hole in my neck it once was. It also somewhat surprising that it is already starting to heal so quickly again despite the radiation.

There is still a lot of chemo off-gassing. I really, really hate that smell. I'm glad it isn't all the time. It just about gags me when it starts. No one else seems to be able to smell it. Lucky them.

Friday night was another long goopy night. I think I need to intake more water during the day. I know the radiation made the mucus thick, but some of this stuff is really glue like. We had a five am canula clean. By the time I got up this morning, I was completely covered in goo, plus I had soaked a kitchen towel in it as well. Yuck.

We had a busy Saturday planned. Mine started right off with muscle relaxers. On Friday I felt like a bus hit me. Saturday morning I felt like it backed up over me and then some people got off of it and came and beat on my back with a bat. Not a sparkling morning.

Oh, and my weight is down. This is not a problem I am accustomed to having. Hmmm....

Flexeril worked its magic, though and I was able to get dressed and be functional. I went out and tried to rescue the last of the potatoes from the weeds with marginal success. I 'forked' too many of them. I hate that because then you have to use those right away.

Then I started poking through the jungle that is the tomatoes, checking for ripe ones. There are about 10,000 ripe cherry tomatoes hiding in there. Of course not up in the cages. No. The weight of them has pulled the cages over, so it is all bending over and rooting around. I already managed to drop my trach out in the potato trench, so at least I don't have that to worry about, but my neck still isn't really fond of bending over. Also, since it doesn't move much trying to match up what I am seeing with what I am picking isn't always easy, or accurate.

I had planned to go back out and pick more, but my body said, "No. It's hot. Just forget it." Okay. I have, at long last, learned not to argue.

Anne came to visit today, which was wonderful as always. She brought a movie to loan me and her listening ears. She has been traveling, so it was nice to catch up.

As late afternoon rolls around, it is time to get ready for the big engagement party. I am more than a little trepidatious about this. I'm not exactly sure who will be there, or how they will respond to me. I know Angie, Ed, and Hannah will be there, as well as Lesley and Michael, so I know there will be a buffer group. I'm also trying to mentally prepare for an event that is all about eating and talking, neither of which I can do. It isn't about me. It's about Nathan and Karina. But this sure isn't the place I thought I'd be.

I'm usually the maker of food, the sharer of stories, the clearer of the tables, the stay late and help clean up person. Tonight I was none of these. Knowing ahead that this would be a stressful evening for me, I tried to bolster myself a little. I wore the beautiful scarf that Patty sent me from her exotic travels. I never dreamed I would end up wearing it on my head one day, but today was that day. I also wore the special earrings from Kelly. Still, I can't find myself. At a party I have a certain role. Well, not without a voice I don't.

All in all, it was a fine evening. I was so thankful for our friends that came. It was even Michael's birthday, which I didn't realize. It seems like just yesterday I was over at their house on Michael's birthday. Then I remembered I could speak and eat, so it had to be before October. This horrible year has gone fast.

Everything for the party was quite lovely and everyone said the desserts were delicious. I managed to only need a canula pull and didn't do anything spectacular. Karissa had a great time until we vetoed hot tubbing. This led to a meltdown all the way home. When we got home she got into her pajamas and asked Kelly to read her a story. This caused me to have my own melt down because I can't read her a story. Wallow, wallow, wallow.

Tomorrow she is having an outing with Angie and going to a birthday party. The weather is supposed to be cooler, so perhaps I'll get those tomatoes picked. And the cucumbers, which, by the way, Eileen planted, are the best I've ever grown. I'm not sure what her secret is. I should also try to figure out why so little of the corn came up and why half that bed doesn't seem to get any water. And do the gift shop orders. And. And. And.

Since it's nearly midnight, I should consider bed. Here's to hoping it isn't as goop tacular as last night. Or at least that I sleep more.

Until tomorrow, or Monday at the latest...

Love,
Kiara