Observations, Confessions, and Off-Color Jokes

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms and Grandmoms, etc. out there. I hope that you all had a wonderful day.

I'm betting not many of you had pureed pumpkin-prune-nut-oatmeal with extra fiber, thinned with Miralax, on your breakfast tray. But then again, most of you aren't hoping for the same Mother's Day present I am.

As long as I've started this topic, in honor of my dear friend Barb's knee surgery this week, I'll continue in this, vein?

Someone has suggested that magnesium supplements is a better way to go. This actually makes a lot of sense if you are one of the many people who do not consume enough magnesium rich foods. In my case, it also makes sense because the chemo strips all the magnesium out of your body, which is why the Epsom salts are sometimes more effective in my case.

One of the many support groups on Facebook I belong to is Food for Tubies. This group is largely made up of "tubie moms," often times with children with very, very complicated medical issues. They are all  balancing many concerns when feeding their children. The runs vs. stops is a common discussion. Here is a very interesting little thing I learned from them: fruits that start with P make you poop, especially papaya, pineapple, and prunes. Fruits that start with B bind you up, especially bananas and blackberries. I know that no one likes to talk about this, but, as the book title says, Everybody Poops. This is a handy little reminder from people who have a lot at stake if they get it wrong.

Apparently, pineapple is also very good for acid reflux and some moms put it in all three blends a day to help keep it at bay. For me, adding a cup of peppermint/ chamomile tea with each meal and before bed seems to have largely done the trick.

I think I'm done talking about poop, so why don't I move on, 'briefly' to undergarments. I warned you the jokes would be bad.

Between the location of my port, the weight loss, and all the interesting surgical re configuring of my body, the bras I've worn for years don't fit well and rub my port. I tried on a few at the store Saturday and found a couple of very nice soft ones that work. You might wonder, with as much other unattractiveness going on on my person why I would bother with a bra. Well, they are still heavy enough to pull on my port when unsupported.

Let me just say that the only way I ever thought my bra size and medium would be in the same sentence is if I was purchasing lingerie from a psychic...

Enough of that. So what have I been up to besides not pooping and buying bras. Anything else good and embarrassing???

Saturday was a a pretty good day. The humidity at night is not a good thing as it is like waterboarding myself all night. Up too many times being suctioned out. The metal trach protects my lungs more from the poking, though, which is really nice. My body seems to be less irritated by it than the plastic trach, too. There are a few problems, like the tiny fiddly latch is hard to get at when I'm all swollen. Also changing my trach collar on the left is a ridiculous chore involving me being a contortionist while Karina shines the flashlight on my neck and Kelly desperately tries to thread that strip of velcro through the tiny little slot from the underside of my trach and grab it with the tweezers without dislodging my trach, which I am holding onto for dear life. I can't "not" change the collar as I have a big ass hole in my neck that is healing and draining and soaks the collar with yucky stuff.

I got up and showered and ... speaking of waterboarding myself. My new trach is so small and so tucked up under my swollen chin that it is hard to judge where it is. It is hard to keep water from running around the edge of my neck and into it. And, if you aren't careful, you might put a soaking wet washcloth right over it and inhale.

Cue the Keystone Kops. I hack and bang. Karina runs in first, then Kelly. Our bathroom isn't that big. I have mime what happened while I try to hack up the water. They switch places and Karina grabs the suction from the other room. Whoop whoop whoop.

It was all over in probably less that two minutes. I learned a valuable lesson. I also had some questions. Thankfully, Tammy V. is always willing from half the world away to give me such good advise. If I ask the doctor about how to shower with the trach, or even many nurses, I would get a blank stare. She gave me some hints and pointed me to resources to get more information. I am so lucky to have found her:)

I've been wondering if those halo looking things you put on babies heads to keep the water out of their eyes would work if the swelling went down enough to slip it between my chin and the trach.  Hmmmm... to ponder.

Beth came to visit on Saturday, too. She came bearing an ice chest full of food she prepared for our freezer, as well as some commonly used household staples (in the poop theme, one of them was toilet paper...) We had a lovely visit. It had been far too long, but her elder daughter had brought mono home at winter break as a gift and she could not risk coming to see me while she had any hint of it. She schlepped all this up from Sutherlin on her way to pick up same daughter at the airport for summer vacation.

We ran out a did one quick errand to get the aforementioned bras and knock out a few items on Karissa's BB Camp list. She is going for three weeks this year, so there is a lot more she needs as well as a lot more to keep track of.  The Amazing Lesley and Super Beth have ordered all the iron on and stick on labels for camp. We'll have an ironing party at some point. Beth's younger daughter is a veteran of the three weeks of BB Camp, so she has agreed to help with the packing and give us all the inside scoop on what is best. I'm just hoping to avoid a repeat of last year when she didn't change her underwear for a week.  Ewww....

Speaking of ewww... yes, more ewww...  I've wondered for awhile now why I magically stopped sweating. Was it that I just don't move around enough? I even remarked to Mia how weird it was that I don't sweat.

Yeah, no, it wasn't that I don't sweat, it was that I had no sense of smell. Now that my sense of smell is back, I realized late Friday night that I was pretty pungent. Not fifth grade boy after lunch recess in June powerful, but plenty stinky all the same. If you came to see me and I reeked, I am very embarrassed and sorry. But why didn't somebody tell me I smelled bad??? Because they love me I guess.

My sense of smell being back is wonderful and at times a bit torturous. I've started seeking out odor porn. Smelling the food at the table, especially the stuff that I really can't eat, as it isn't blender friendly. Let me just say that Pavlov knew what he was talking about. As if I needed some reason to drool MORE.

Emily brought us a delicious dinner with a beautiful homemade rhubarb pie. I cannot say how the pie tasted as I didn't have any, but it smelled heavenly and was just lovely. We shared some with our neighbors as we could not stand the thought of such a nice pie going at all to waste.

Karissa went to the ballet with Heather and Karina went out with Nathan, so Kelly and I had a quiet evening by ourselves. You would think we would watch a movie or do something fun. I don't honestly know what we did, but somehow it ends up being midnight again by the time everything and everyone is rounded up and in bed.

We opted for no waterboarding Saturday night. It was lovely. I actually slept six straight hours for the first time since I can't remember when. No hacking. No drowning. If dryness become a problem in the summer, we can run a room humidifier and think that will be enough. Otherwise, the nebulizing saline seems to be plenty.

Sunday was also lovely. I had my aforementioned breakfast. Angie took Karissa to Sunday School. Karina cleaned out my poor, filthy, neglected truck and even vacuumed it. I hadn't know I wasn't going to drive, so time had kind of stopped in there. Since Karissa always has to have food, there was lots of old, half eaten, snacks all over the back seat. Delicious.

Kelly had to run to his office and brought home Yumm bowls for lunch at my request. It is funny, although I don't get much taste, my body will crave foods. I have been thinking about Yumm bowls for two days. It was delicious. Yumm sauce always makes its presence known, which is good. I love it!

Angie and Karissa spent the day together and we drove Karina back to Corvallis. I would have loved to stay and watch her tennis match, but it didn't start until 7 and I'm not really fit for too many public appearances, even now that I've figured out that yes I do need to wear deodorant.

Angie brought Karissa home and some lovely pansies and a picture of my sweet girl. the evening ritual went smoothly. Somehow the time gets away from me as Kelly is working furiously to keep up with work and laundry and and and. I had a soak in the tub and here I am blogging at 11:30, again.

Tomorrow will theoretically be round four and I'll be at the cancer center all day. We won't know for sure until I see the doctor and the test my blood, but I am going with that assumption. My breakfast and lunch are made. I'm ready for this!

As I ponder the ramifications of the PET results, I realized that my trachea was largely out of the radiation field in 08. That means if that area need the highest level of radiation, at least it isn't an area that is being re-nuked. I'm calling that good news.

So good night to you all, including my long suffering husband, who isn't done yet. I'll be feeling all your love while I'm at the center tomorrow. Know that I love you too.

Until, hopefully, tomorrow.

Kiara