Not Pretty

If you are looking for a cheery, peppy tale about skipping merrily through Cancerland, this isn't it. Some days you just have to wrap yourself in your blessings and push through. Yesterday and today were those kind of days.

While the nausea has been markedly improved, some other symptoms have not. Most notably, acid reflux that makes me want to inject lidocaine directly into my chest. I'll take open heart surgery, total glossectomy, emergency trachesotomy. Horrible burning acid reflux is my Achilles Heel. And there isn't much I can do about it but keep pushing the meds in, try to eat regularly, and keep the screaming down. Well, the last one isn't too hard since I can't scream.

First of all, thank GOD for Angie. She had Karissa over for a sleep over last night, and then did some major schlepping today. To Piano Syllabus in her dress at 9. Change after for regular ballet class at 11:30. Hurry home to change into performance tights and get a ballet bun and make up and then rush back to UO by 2 pm, which is, of course, a mad house because the spring game is today. Then rush home after the performance to change for the birthday party at 4. Pick her back up at 6 pm.

If I had had to get up and be a part of getting Karissa to all these places today, I guess it would have happened. It would have involved a lot of misery on my part and certainly wouldn't have been pretty to watch. The ballet bun was about the extent of my ability today.

I have no idea how we would do this without Angie. Did I mention that?

I am thankful for Karina, who made a mad dash home yesterday to be here in time to do ballet makeup for dress rehearsal yesterday and did it again today. And was here for the crucial, "What does one wear to a laser tag birthday party?" discussion.

Karina also got to babysit this afternoon. While Angie was on Karissa duty all day, Kelly was trying to do some of the errands that never seem to get run. The mundane but necessary tasks of life. This means either dragging my goopy ass along, or someone sitting with me. I know Karina spent a great deal of the time silently praying that I would not do anything that would require her intervention, and I did not disappoint. She looked worried a few times, but I was okay. I don't doubt for a second she would rise to the occasion if she needed to, though.

She watched the Derby coverage with me (yay California Chrome), and tried not to roll her eyes too much at my fascination with it all. Do people get fascinated with things anymore, like how many fillies have won the derby, or the last time an African American jockey won? Or has that been lost to the age of instant information, where I can look that up anytime, why spend any time thinking about it?

I am, as always, very thankful for Kelly, who put up with a lot of whining from me the last couple of days. Quiet whining, but whining nonetheless. And dealing with goop. Lots and lots and lots of goop. I am pretty tired of goop coming out of my neck, I have to say. And drooling. I've resorted to drooling into a bucket now it is so bad. How attractive is that? I know you are drooling just thinking about me drooling.

I've begun to wonder if some of this isn't some sort of retribution for having such an easy pregnancy with Karina. No morning sickness. No Braxon Hicks. No acid reflux. Pretty much an easy sail with a pretty easy delivery at the end. Clearly paybacks are a ....

I am also very thankful to have a good enough friend that I can say "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO FOR CONSTIPATION? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" There, it's out there. And I got an answer. I thought we had already gone to the nuclear option, only to discover there are entirely different weapons systems out there. Who knew? Glad someone did.

Again, major surgery no big deal; acid reflux and constipation crippling. Just more of the magic that is me.

Kelly made a wonderful dinner of steak and potatoes and corn. Sorry, it is one of my favorites and I have been craving it. No, blended up was not the same. Yes, I desperately wanted to put a bite in  my  mouth. Yes, I could smell it at least some of the time. Will it get easier? I don't know.

As for outside news, it appears my SIL is slowly improving by has a quite a ways to go. They are hopeful she will be able to heal on her own without surgery, so we are hoping that, too.

Sara was taken to the ER and had a shunt placed to drain fluid. This should reduce the pressure, which sounds like a good thing.

The cat who hates everyone but Karina is strangely curled up beside me as I type. I'm not sure what to make of this.

We continue to be the receivers of many blessings, gifts, love, help, prayers and encouragement. I am thankful for the people that continue to ask me advice on education related matters and the like that allows me to use my brain. I'm not always too quick with my response, but I hope it is helpful and meaningful. The teacher negotiations got off to a rocky start, so it sounds like there will be a lot to think about. I'd love for Karissa to have something approaching a normal length school year for the first time, without a hundred kids in her class.

Tonight, wrap yourself in your blessings and hang on. Tomorrow is another day to seek joy.

Kiara