Mask Making

By last night it was all I could do to not work myself into some sort of frenzy about mask making. Both times I have had it done, they have draped the dripping wet, warm sheet of plastic over my face. I spent days figuring out how we could cover my trach hole. And what if I aspirated and and and.

I had a dose of Ativan last night and another this morning to pull me of the ceiling. For nothing.

They took me back and told Kelly he couldn't. He said, yes I can because I have to pull that trach tube out of her neck. Alrighty.

So suction machine, bag of medical supplies, and a thousand schemes in my head, we went back. I got gowned up. Shoes off. Chains in hand. But no way will my neck go back into the lovely head rest. It is just levatating in the air. The wait a few moments thinking gravity will pull it down, but as locked up as my pecs are, no way. There was some stacking of styrofoam, tiping and bending until it was high enough my neck would settle in. I expressed my panic about wet plastic. She says, "You have a trach. We'll dry it first." Well, duh, why didn't I think of that instead of making myself obsessed? They dried it off, but it is still warm, so it feel kind like I imagine it would feel to have hot taffy pulled over your face and neck. They are fast, but very careful and gentle of my neck. It is over in minutes. The CT was over so fast I couldn't believe it.

It is done. Day 0 will be next Friday, the 6th. 25 days of treatments with the first on on the 8th. I know they  close on the 4th, so I will start and end on a Monday, barring any breaks in treatment for complication. I am not sure when the Cetuximab injections will begin, but they will be once a week.

I see the cardiologist on Thursday next week. I need to ask some questions for my own peace of mind. The most looming is, as I've had two recurrences of cancer now, does that preclude me from have my valve repaired or replaced at some point? If yes, how is it looking because it wouldn't make a lot of sense to go through all this and then die of heart failure right after. If it does not, how would someone do the surgery with a neck like this? There is no way you can put a mainline into my carotid on either side. Could they use my port instead? I don't know. It seems best to have these answers before we begin.

Two doses of Ativan was too much for me. I could barely walk a straight line back to the car. I didn't last long once home. I was listening to something on my phone and then I was out. Totally out. For several hours. I don't know how people can take that stuff all the time. I was still to foggy to go for a walk. Kelly and I picked strawberries ( 2 pts!) and holding on to him we walked to the mail box and back. No way was I steady enough to go much further.

Eileen brought our wonderful dinner tonight, as well as three more plants for the garden. She is one amazing woman.

The potatoes are berzerk in the garden, both those planted on purpose and the volunteers. Lots are blossoming already. Those will need to be dug soon or the wire worms will feast on them.

Angie brought Karissa home and the bedtime ritual began. After all was done and tucked in, I crawled into an epsom salts baking soda bath. Ahhhhh....

You have to be careful about rocking the waters in the tube when you have a trach. Also, nodding off isn't a good idea. Fortunately it doesn't take much water to get your attention. It helped me hack out a few thing, so that isn't really a bad thing.

I really need a grab bar as I am unsteady for one reason or another lately. Kelly got a cheapy at Walgreens. Now we know why it is cheap. You better use it right after you attach it, because if falls off within five minutes.

Again it is way too late to be blogging. Kelly has to get up and get Karissa onto the bus. He does not get nearly enough sleep.

I got a message from Sara!!! She is able to type, so we can communicate! I was so excited to hear from her.

And last, rest in peace Maya Angelou. She and I shared a birthday. I saw her speak at UNR. I've read all her books, even her cook book. She was a profound influence on me. I was very sad to hear of her passing today.

Until tomorrow, hopefully not so late.

Kiara