Help-o-rama and more

I was going to start with all the wonderful help we received today, but I have to change that. I have to start by thanking Peggy for the amazing video she sent me. It is the twenty-fifth anniversary of the SAI chapter I was a founding member of and the video was from the scrap books from all those years ago. It was like a ride in a time machine. So strange to see myself so heavy and so busty. So wonderful to see so many of my friends that remain dear friends to this day. To remember all the crazy fun we had, most of it simple, silly fun. There is little simple or silly in my life right now, so this was a delicious treat.

In the same vein, there has been a groundswell of interest in my high school class. As we are approaching our thirty year reunion in a couple years, there has been so much reminiscing. And hair. Lots of hair. Actually, in the video and in the high school pictures, lots and lots of hair.

It is nice to escape into the past when everything still worked as it should and things were simpler. Not that today was terrible. Far from. But memory lane is nice this time of year.

The swelling continues to level off with the right side of my face approaching normal. My left eye still seems to want to intermittently swell shut, but alternating ice and heat and moving around seems to take care of that. I can't seem to learn the lesson to do stuff, take a nap, and then do stuff. I do stuff and then sit around too exhausted to do anything else instead of taking a nap. I'll learn.

While I was stable, that was not true of everyone. The mood was fairly electric with frustration and fear today. Karina finally let it overwhelm her and cried. Not long enough, but at least she let some out. I am trying to convince her she needs to talk about this. Tell her RA. Tell her professors. Maybe go down to the counseling center. She is resistant and wants no help. Willful and stubborn. Is going to go it on her own. I don't where she gets that from.

Karissa, on the other hand, is bouncing off the walls. All kids her age fight for control because so little is in their control. Unfortunately, this is something really big that is out of her control. There was also sobbing from her tonight in her daddy's arms. To cause your children such strife is not a pleasant thing.

Kelly thought he would escape for a few minutes today. He was going to go to the grocery store all by himself. He just wanted to make sure Karina knew how to pull the canula just in case I had an issue. The odds are small, but better to be prepared. For whatever reason, when he pulled the canula, my body decided to hack up something the size of a small mammal. What I lacked in accuracy I made up for in distance, sending the disgusting blob at least six feet. If you ever wondered if Karina could get any paler, the answer is yes. So Kelly did not go to the grocery store, Karina did. He stayed home in sputum land.

Heather was the first one last night to text and say let me help you. She is willing to take over the chauffeuring job for Karissa. It is so easy to say yes, except I fear taking advantage of her. This is a ridiculous task and she has her own boys to care for.  She made all the right arguments, but if you are willing to help her help us, that would be amazing.

Eileen and her family were here doing yard work today. Because no good deed goes unpunished, it poured for exactly the duration they were working. She was back later bearing beef stew. I am humbled and blessed by their generosity.

But wait, there is more. Eileen emailed me about my blog post last night. She had the honesty to call me a "stubborn broad." She is proposing to take over organizing helpers. What she asks of me, is a list of people who are willing to cook, clean, drive, Kiara sit, nursing duties, or whatever. She has threatened to search Facebook for such a list if I am unwilling to provide it. I know what Eileen is capable of when she sets her mind to something. If you are interested in being on her list, let me know and tell me how you would like her to contact you. Of course, if you know Eileen, go ahead and contact her yourself.

Annie brought a beautiful dinner tonight, too. I am sorry I always reference the looks. Being able to neither smell nor taste leaves me little to comment on. I cannot thank all the meal providers enough. I have no idea how we will get Karissa to eat our food when this ordeal is over.

I also got a shower tonight, which always makes everything better. I still haven't quite figured out how to keep my shirt dry, but it is getting better. Drooling with dignity is an ongoing challenge.

I can picture myself in the band room for Alumni Band this fall, even unable to speak. Making an entrance. I think that is a good sign that I can project myself into the future while still living one day at a time. There are probably plenty of people who over the years would have appreciated it if I couldn't talk. I'm sure Mack wished I would shut up many times during Alumni Band. The snarky comments are still there, you just have to be close enough to me to read them off my Magnadoodle (this makes me think of clustering around Eddie Evans during every dictation test in Fright Screaming...)

Feeding tube, check. Trach, check. Chemo port, check. Freaked out family, check. Fabulous friends, check. One more day of rest before I start getting rid of cancer for forever. Now there is a cause to rally around.

With my love and appreciation to you all,

until tomorrow...

Kiara