Sometimes you just have to...

Sometimes you just have to stay home from something you want to do because you don't feel up to it.  This has never been my strong suit.  I am from the push yourself, force yourself, ignore what your body is telling you club.  But I did, with only some residual guilt, back out of the conference on Saturday.  That proved to be the right choice as even at that I ended up in bed all day Sunday.  All day.  It was verging on pathetic. Not as pathetic as the Bronco's performance on Sunday, but that is another matter entirely.

My last post apparently came across more maudlin than I had intended.  I got a lot of pep talks, chin ups, and feel betters.  And that is okay.  That lets me know that there are still people interested in hearing my melodrama and supportive of the cause.  I am hoping now that I am starting to feel a bit better that there will be less down in the dumps, but I know this is not going to be a steady upward progression, unfortunately.

I've been instant messaging with someone going through the same thing whom I met through Facebook. Maybe it makes me a busybody, or a Yenta, but I like giving advice.  I like being able to say that this or that will get better.  He is still facing chemo and radiation, so not exactly the same boat, but a similar one.  His wife is really trying to hold it all together and help him all she can.  Not an easy place to be.  There are so many interesting coincidences in our two stories, but the one I find most interesting is her name is Kelly, too. Her husband can't say her name any better than I can say my spouse's.

Eating continues to be my boondoggle, as evidenced by today.  I was up this morning as I was supposed to go walking with Jen.  It was perfect for walking except I still felt fairly cruddy.  I spent the bulk of the morning with and ice pack on my face.  I made a somewhat calorie dense breakfast, but not nearly the calories I usually pack into breakfast.  I did not plan well for the afternoon.  I had massage therapy, followed by driving to Karissa's school for speech therapy, followed by driving to riding lessons.  Tube feeding is not something you do while you are driving like eating a Big Mac.  It still wouldn't have been too bad if I had been organized enough to pack a lunch. Alas, that was not the case.  During her riding lesson, I broke into my emergency stash of baby food.  It was enough to get me through, but at only 190 calories, not nearly enough.  I slathered on the sour cream and piled on the cheese at dinner, but I dare say I am calorie deficient for the day.  Again. We are out of kefir and yogurt and cottage cheese.  We are low on fruit. The grocery store beckons, but it is still a hard place for me.  But go I must, or starve.

After skipping the Summit and walking this morning, I continued my poor attendance by missing the PTO meeting tonight. There was no way to shove in eating and a shower after riding before the meeting.  It was bad enough I went to speech and riding with massage oil in my hair, I couldn't imagine wearing that look to the meeting.  At some point I'll get it all back together, or at least decide once and for all what I am still committed to doing and what I'm walking away from.

I have plenty of other things to keep me busy this week, anyway.  Tomorrow is my maiden voyage to the acupuncturist.  I've been told by several people to give it at least three appointments.  Okay.  I haven't heard anyone say it didn't work for them.

Wednesday is Karissa's birthday.  Where has the time gone?  That means birthday treats for school and birthday treats for Talmud Torah and gearing up for the birthday party on Saturday.  And more presents.  I haven't even found a place for the Christmas and Hanukkah stuff yet.  Where on Earth will we put more??? A first world problem, to be sure.

We finished the second season of Downton Abbey.  There are still a zillion people in front of me at the library.  Do we pay to upgrade to ___________ + in order to watch it, or do we spent almost $50 to buy it?  Ugh.  A sad addiction this is.  Little better than a soap opera.  I do have to say that I loved Ms. Patmore and the Oujia Board, and Daisy and Mr. Mason were so sweet I was literally clapping my hands in joy. Yes, I am this easily moved.

I also have my Thursday with Lesley at my house this week.  I think I have a plan.  It isn't like there isn't plenty to do.

No ballet this week because the professional troop is performing this week.  Ballet with Taiko Drums.  It should be interesting.  I'm sure she is going to want to go to Scheherezade that the other ballet studio is putting on, too.  She cannot get enough of ballet.  If only I could say that about reading.

Another no school day this week, too.  They are out more than in.  Now I am getting emails from Portland that one of their districts is also likely to go on strike by the end of the week.  Even if I was working I wouldn't cross the picket line, but it is pretty amazing how much money is being offered to fill these positions. I'm not sure that classes taught by whomever they are able to scrape up with no input from the regular classroom teachers is going to be more valuable than no classes at all.  In the case of some students, it may be down right dangerous to have unfamiliar people working with them.  Somehow the biggest disasters are somehow always avoided.

I better get some sleep so I can get up early enough to eat.  Such is my life.

Until tomorrow...