Did you ever notice how some people just drop a big bombshell and act like it is nothing? I've probably been guilty of it as pretending it is not a big deal is a coping mechanism for me. I remembered something else that is an example of this from my appointment last week.
After the inspection of my neck, I mentioned that I had had what appeared to be a pimple on my neck. It got puffy, formed a "head" and then drained. Yuck, I know, but nothing that important. I only mentioned it to make sure it wasn't something worse. Dr. A looks at it and says, "Yes, probably just a pimple." Then he kind of chuckles and says, "Sometimes when these break, a surgical clip will pop out of them. They just work themselves out sometimes." What? Are you kidding me? He acted like this was nothing to be alarmed about. I've had several surgeries, large and small. I have an extensive collection of surgical clips in my body. No one ever, EVER, mentioned the possibility of one just popping out. I can assure you if there were any clips making a reappearance on the outside, there would be some serious freaking out on my part.
I did make five attempts at swallowing. Three of them were successful. One was up the nose. The other was a spectacular mess. A bit of Karissa's hot chocolate just sounded so good. Just a sip. If it gets to the back of my throat I can taste it. If it gets to the back of my throat I can spray it out all over the kitchen. Beautiful.
With water, if I get it into the right side of my mouth, I can use my cheek muscles to squirt most of it to the back of my mouth and swallow it. This is good because it eliminates much of the head tilting. Head tilting makes fluid come up, not down. My neck seems much more swollen today, which means much more fluid coming up. Several times today it was my entire mouthful of water coming up. That is a lot of spiting. Ugh! Swallowing continues to be uncomfortable, but I am hoping if I can get the tide going in the other direction, a lot of things will feel better.
The substitute office appears to be short substitutes. Despite the fact that I am "no calls" on Aesop, I got called this morning. When I double checked my status, there were still three unfilled jobs at 10:20 this morning. I had a phone message from another teacher who called me directly in search of a substitute for Friday. Even if I manage to get a leave of absence, I have business cards all over the place. I wish I could work. I really do. I cannot imagine managing a class with this voice and no electronic support at this point. The job for Friday is for music. That is more heartbreaking yet.
I have wondered at least a hundred times what the message from the Universe is. Maybe the Universe is saying, "Oh, by the way, it is okay to take the time to do the things you need to do for you. To exercise. To rest. To get your house in order." That is a big deal because I prefer to see how much "difference" I can make. I am not as virtuous as that statement makes me sound. It is just that I will attempt to do too much sometimes, at personal expense. I need to accept that doing what I need to do to heal has to be a priority, even if I don't particularly enjoy it.
Oh, by the way, thanks for all of your support! I really could not have endured this without you.
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2 comments:
Gutting the house of extra stuff, so that when you go back to work you have simplified your home life is doing something. I am tossing something in the mail to you tomorrow. It will be coming by slow mule train, which means it could be there on Wednesday, this week or next.
Take care.
BTW if something popped out of my body, I would have a strong reaction also. Today I got a shot in my foot. Nothing compared to what you have been through, but still a shot and I have to go back in ten days for another. Apparently I have inflamed a clump of nerves in my right root and it hurts when I walk. Over the weekend he placed a bandage with a pad in the ball of my foot, kind of an acupressure thing to take some of the pressured off the nerve. It made the foot feel better, kind of, it changed the radiating pain in my foot down to "now I am walking on a sharp pebble" kind of pain. I will keep you updated, I also made an appointment with the hand doctor, so I can regain some of the lost function in it. So goes the steep fall down the rabbit hole.
Success on 3 of 5 tries to swallow. Outstanding odds.
Awesome!!!
Yes, Kiara my dear, you need to rest and relax and heal, but if you feel something needs to be done and you feel you can do it, go for it!!!
Your garden awaits!!!
And, yes, hot chocolate sounds good.
In the not too distant future, you and I will sit across from each other at your dining room table and enjoy that fabulous drink.
Whipped cream or marshmallows?
Luv ya, girl. So proud of you.
Love & hugs
xoxoxoxo
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