I've been thinking about how much my life has changed, as well as how much my perspective has changed. There used to be a PSA that said something like, "Nobody ever says, 'I want to be a drug addict when I grow up.'" I'm pretty sure I never predicted this in my future, either. As I learn how to navigate with the 'new' me, I've started implementing some new rules. Make no mistake, some of these should have been rules for me for years, but now they are forced upon me. Others you will note are pretty specific just to me.
1) Do not force food or drink on people (yes, I know I have been HIGHLY guilty of this). You don't know if they are dieting, allergic, recovering alcoholic, sick to their stomach, or eating through a tube. By not accepting the polite no thank you the first time, you are creating a situation where someone must lose. Either they take the food or drink and waste it or consume when they shouldn't, or they humiliate you and maybe themselves by announcing why they don't want it.
2) Recognize that people don't mean to judge, or to stare, but, as Dumbledore says, "Accidental rudeness so often occurs." Give people the benefit of the doubt. Educate if you can, ignore if you can't.
3) People walk funny, talk funny, eat funny, write funny, etc. for any number of reasons. You may entertain yourself silently trying to figure out why, but do not make assumptions. If you feel comfortable, ask. I would always prefer someone ask, but I know I'm not everyone.
4) Always spit BEFORE speaking. Yes, this one is pretty much just for me.
5) Take time. Take time to eat. Take time to put the dish into the dishwasher. Take time to listen to a friend. Take time to really listen to your child. I have always been "Too Busy" to take time to focus on any one thing at any time. You only need to spray your breakfast all over the computer keyboard once to learn, once and for all, that multitasking doesn't work. Doing something "for now" is the first step to a big mess later on.
6) Ask for help. Although I have been the recipient of extraordinary amounts of help, I loathe asking for help. Does it make me look weak? Helpless? Needy? I'm not sure, but I'd always prefer to be the helper than the helped. The universe is now reinforcing a lesson that many people have tried to teach me, that no one can go it alone.
7) Dark clothes hide drool better than light colors. Again, pretty much just for me.
8) Think long and hard before you bring anything else into your home, be it a puppy or a new sweater. While a puppy obviously requires a lot of responsibility, that sweater might be around even longer than the dog. Do you really need another thing to care for, find a place for, and to eventually get rid of?
9) Be present. This is hardest for me because I tend to be always thinking about something else. This is kind of like #5, except that you can take time and still not be present. You need both.
10) Always carry a spit cloth. Again, probably only a rule for me.
So there are the new rules. I'm sure there will be others. I know that right now I should be "taking time" to practice swallowing. One quick poll of the audience, and then I'm off.
I asked the tube feeding group how they handle events with food. The answers were interesting and diverse. I found it strange that most people would not "eat" at the table with everyone else. They would go somewhere alone. If you have a pump and it is noisy, maybe I could see that, but if you just use a syringe, no one really should notice. Kelly compared it to breast feeding, which heaven knows I did in just about every public place imaginable. However, unlike breast feeding, you don't usually even see any skin. The breast part is usually what gets people worked up about breast feeding, but there is no overly sexualized body part involved. So here is the question: Would it make you uncomfortable to be at a table with me if I was feeding myself through my tube using a syringe? Would it bother you to be in a restaurant to see someone at an adjoining table using a feeding syringe? How about at a work luncheon or a conference dinner?
I am interested to see the answers.
6 comments:
It wouldn't bother me, but (fair warning) I would probably have questions. Someone talking with their mouth full would freak me out more.
Nope, but I would be carefully to not sit in the splash zone. But that is just with you.
Someone else at a restaurant, would I care. probably not then either, but it would catch my eye.
But unlike the screaming children at other tables, it would not effect my enjoyment of the evening, nor would I request you "do that in the bathroom" as many breast feeding mom's have been asked to do.
So get out your feeding tube and eat. Biggest issues you may actually discover is that most restaurants have an issue with food being brought in that has not been prepared by them and that it may be a Health Code violation, since if you consume food on their premisses they are at risk if you get sick from that food. Want to know how I know this? Well picky eater that Nicholas was, I had to carry food with me every where we went for years. And while I was stopped several times and had this explained to me, I was never told I could not do it. Everyone allowed it. I always tipped those waiters very well. Especially after they had to sweep/wipe up all the food I brought in. :) Thank God, he is now old enough to either just eat something or frankly go hungry until he can get to the food he will eat.
The social aspect of food is really hard, whatever the reason. After weight loss surgery, I found people really have a hard time accepting that you can watch others eat and still be perfectly ok with it.
As always, I really enjoy your insight.
Eating lunch with my mother at a restaurant one afternoon, she stopped mid-sentence with an enraptured expression on her face. I turned to look at what I assumed was a particularly cute baby, or maybe an entire herd of them in ballerina costumes entering the hosting area. Nope, it was a pair of local conjoined twins. The young women turned my way in time for me to recognize that they were the cause of my mother's sudden pause, and that now I had been caught apparently staring at them in the conjoined-ness, when really I'd been trying to see past them to the troupe of adorable toddlers, maybe with pigtails.
So, no, I wouldn't be bothered by you eating at the table with everyone else. I would only be mortified if my mother's sudden curiosity caused me to start looking for the adorable toddler near you.
-Anji
Won't bother me. Breast feeding should not be done in the bathroom either. I think discretion works for both
If someone is taking nutrition through a tube, I wouldn't care if it was in their ear. They are getting the food they need to live. I have seen people in restaurants talk with their mouth full of food, shoveling their food in like it was their last meal and, in days past, eating with a fork in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
Tube feeding is quiet & neat. I would sit in the middle of the
Las Vegas Strip(or any other busy place)with you while you did a tube feeding.
So proud of you. Luv ya lots.
Kisses to all
Love & hugs
xoxoxoxo
Las Vegas Strip (or any other busy place)
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