Don't put that in your mouth!

I have been "batting clean up" for my children for eighteen years.  The last two ravioli.  The unwanted second pancake.  The unfinished ice cream.  I felt obligated to finish it rather than "waste" it.  A terrible dieting strategy.  You would think that based on a) I have not been able to eat by mouth for three months; b) the unattractiveness of most of the leftovers in question; and c) the hot chocolate disaster from Monday, I would be broken of this habit.  But alas, not.

It isn't bad, I guess, to throw said left overs in with my blends for a meal.  I guess I'm going to get some of their mouth bacteria, but maybe that is a good thing?  However, just putting it in my mouth?  Bad plan.  But it was only two bites of left over peaches and cream ice cream (Aldens, with the highest fat content of any ice cream we could find).  I don't put ice cream in the tube because cold doesn't feel good going right into my stomach and sticky gunks up the tube.  I'm not sure what the tube feeders' equivalent is of brain freeze.

So I did it.  I put it in my mouth.  Big mistake.

There is no good way to get it from the front of my mouth to the back of my mouth.  Some spastic looking head tossing and... it is stuck.  To the roof of my mouth.  Like a tongue on a frozen pole.

The flongue does not move, at least not at my beck and call.  My mouth doesn't really open wide enough to permit the ever attractive scraping it off with your finger.  Of course!  Warm water.

But now I have a mouthful of warm water and partially melted ice cream.  Not melted enough that I could even conceive of swallowing it, mind you.  Spit it out?  Sure.  Have you tried spitting without a tongue?  So really more of an open your mouth, hang over the sink and hope most of it falls out.  Rinse and repeat.

Why yes, I am special.

In other appetizing news, the "pimple" did not turn out to be a surgical clip.  It also did not turn out to be a "pimple."  It had what appeared to be a tiny black scab on top.  Monday night I noticed that the scab was getting, for lack of a better word, taller.  Hmm... okay.  Maybe it is one of those black hairs that women sometimes get on their neck that they shave off or pluck out and generally pretend they don't have. Not that I've ever had one of those.  Except this is the blackest and stiffest neck hair I've ever seen (if I'd ever seen such a thing before.)  Get the tweezers and the mirror that makes your pores look the size of a garage.  And... it is a suture.  An approximately half inch long piece of black suture, likely left over from the drains in, drains out, drains in again circus. Now that it is out, the swelling in that part of my neck went down remarkably fast.

Swallowing practice continues to go slow. I don't enjoy it.  It is uncomfortable and difficult and messy and frustrating.  I can see why some give it up.  I can also see why some have restricted their feeding tube use to force themselves to do it orally.  I am not at either of those extremes.  I can generally get most, or at least some, down on most tries.  After two or three in a row, though, forget it.  It is up my nose or just sitting in my throat.  Yes, continue to nag me about it.

I've decided that some of my speaking challenges have to do with proximity and acoustics.  In the gift shop I don't have very much trouble communicating.  However, it is a tiny little space and you generally have to face one another.  Yesterday I had a lovely conversation with two other moms during ballet.  Again, the waiting area is very small and we were sitting close together.  There is some background noise from the music, but it was not so great as to impair me.  I am starting to master the synonym game, coupled with charades.  When a certain word draws the blank look, I run through synonyms and charades until someone guesses the word. It doesn't work with our names, though.  Or the street we live on.  Sigh. Over all, though it is better.

No word from the Dynavox people.  My machine arrived back in Pittsburgh last Friday, but no word on when it will return to me.  It just needs to have the software re-installed.  I can't imagine that should take long.  There is an 800 number, but when Kelly calls it, it directs him to the website. The website says our case is closed.  Although it was our stupid mistake, Dynavox tech support has not been all that clear or prompt about helping.  Disappointing.

I am continuing my preparation of the most nutrient packed meals I can. I am going to massage therapy and physical therapy.  I am taking my herbs and using my lymph brush.  I am practicing swallowing, albeit halfheartedly at times.  The missing piece is exercise.  Exercise will help pump that lymph fluid out.  It reduces stress. It builds bone strength.  I still have walking a half-marathon and getting to the top of Mt. Pigsah on my to do list.  Anyone want to come over and make me exercise?

Until tomorrow...