Suck it up, Buttercup

After a rough weekend, the Universe sent me lots of messages on Monday.  I think the overriding theme was, "Suck it up, Buttercup.  There are lots of people is worse places than you."

There were the Facebook posts from a friend as he and his wife grapple with the ongoing effects of her lupus and cancer treatments.  She is just a couple of years older than me.  A wonderful flute player and kind soul. This year she has lost feeling in her legs and can no longer use her left arm.  She had to give up teaching flute and playing as well.  This time of year she and her husband, also a musician, would be very busy playing the various traditional Christmas shows.  This year, he is busy.  She is coping...

Karina and I ran tons of errands yesterday, braving the post office and three stores.  At our last stop, Market of Choice, the checker commented on my "conversation piece" (my neck incision.)  She said her husband has one, too.  I told her I had cancer and they had to remove my tongue.  She was still a moment and then said, "My sister passed away just recently from pancreatic cancer and my grandson has cancer, too."  This woman was maybe 50, but likely younger.  The bag girl asked me if food tasted differently.  I told her I can't swallow and eat through a tube.  She blanched, but the checker said, "So a whole new world for you."  I told them my surgery was two months ago.  They both could not believe how well I was doing for two months.  I told the checker I hoped her grandson was doing okay and if he was having chemo.  She said, "Yes, he is having Chemo at Doernbecker.  It's okay.  He's only four.  He doesn't know any different." His whole life has been about cancer treatments?  Suck it up, Kiara.

We went to riding for the first time since Aimee's accident.  Miss Lori seems her old self almost, although there is a shadow behind her joy.  She helped us put the ornaments we brought for Aimee's tree up and took pictures of them with Karissa.  The pipes froze in the barn during the deep freeze and they have been bucketing water for the horses for days.  The stall cleaner they hired couldn't get out because of the snow and now he had a death in his family so he is out of town.  The heat went out in the HALO house (Aimee's house).  I wanted more than anything to start mucking stalls.  Helping these wonderful people somehow.  But my neck isn't ready for that yet.  Stan came out about halfway through the lesson.  He is, frankly, a mess. He looks about ready to burst into tears at any given moment.  He cannot deal with seeing Aimee's tree.  He cannot deal with pictures.  Right now, he just cannot deal.  It breaks my heart.

We took a circuitous route home so we could stop at the Backyard Farmer and get chicken food and a tree. He has some lovely trees.  We found a beautiful one, about the size of last year's, and at $35 a pretty good price.  We went in and paid and he came out and loaded the feed and the tree.  Karina and I were strapping down the tree when he came out and said he misunderstood me when I told him how much the tree was and gave me $10.  Imagine someone misunderstanding me...

After my sad post of Saturday, there were lots of good ideas, offers of help, and encouraging words.  I needed them all.  Throughout our marriage, Kelly and I have tended to take turns being needy.  This was one of those rare confluences where we were both needy.  We are thankful for all of you to lean on at times like this.

As if I hadn't had enough reinforcement from the Universe, I saw this on Facebook:  http://www.demilked.com/moving-without-mom-father-daughter-remake-wedding-photoshoot-tribute-late-mother/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Demilked+(DeMilked). I'm pretty sure he and his little girl would have been happy to have their wife/mother even if she talked funny and ate through a tube.  I'm sure she would have been happy to talk funny and eat through a tube if it meant she got to see her adorable daughter grow up.

Okay, moving forward.   I have a new PT to try on Friday.  I have Miracle Mia today.  Yesterday we not only sent the last box, we finished a lot of the shopping (including groceries), put up the tree (not decorated yet) and the girls set up the village.  There are gifts to wrap and the stocking situations are a bit lean yet, but all in all, we are going forward.  Maybe Santa will bring me learning to swallow...

Thanks, friends!