No catchy title

It has been an up and down day in hospital land today.  They tried a new tube feed last evening and it was not good.  The entire history of not good.  Stomachache does not make for good sleep.

This morning my day nurse had two nurses in training.  They were extremely enthusiastic, like giving me a shower was the greatest thing they ever got to do in their lives.  The shower is a wand on the wall in the bathroom, so it was pretty crowded in there with three of us.  Actually, so crowded they had to leave the door open.  Kelly was sitting across the room.  He was going to open his lap top and do some work, but he was worried that they would think he was making nurse porn.

My day nurse today was excellent, and helped me finally figure out a few things and had some great suggestions for medication changes.  She can also pull the cannula and put it back in smoother than anyone I have had.  This may seem insignificant, but having someone yank on a tube sewed in your throat is not all that pleasant.

They brought me a valve for my trach.  It allows me to breathe in through the trach but forces me to breathe out through my nose/mouth.  I can sort of "talk" with it in.  It really kind of sounds like grunting, but it is a noise.  It is a bright violet color.  It feels fine and I can put it on and take it off anytime I want. So I don't lose it, it is hooked to my trach with a little leash.  Yes, just like a binky.  Sigh.

Kelly and I went outside for a walk and I even did some stairs.  It was another beautiful day in Portland.  I had a nice long nap this afternoon, too.

Of course Dr. Wax had to come in and drop some drama on me.  This is gross, so (Eileen) you may want to skip this.  He suggested a CT scan to see how big the fistula (hole) is.  Then he could take me back to surgery, take a muscle from under my breast, and fill in the hole.  OR, I could take my hole home with me and they almost always heal on their own over a period of months.  Frankly, I'll take the hole.  I'll rent myself out for parties.

The rest of the ENT team came by and said if I tolerate tonights food, I can go home Friday.  I will be begging tomorrow morning.  I don't want to miss Halloween.  Karissa doesn't want me to miss Halloween.  I know there will be other Halloweens, but I want to see my little ballerina in person instead of on a cell phone picture.

I cannot begin to tell you all the amazing things that people have done for me.  My house is clean.  My daughter is amazingly well cared for.  I get cards, emails, comments, texts, and inspirational messages throughout the day.  I know I would do it for any of you.  I would.  Still, I have been so blessed.  I want to heal up and live this life so many people have made possible for me.